The One-on-One: Part Five
It’s finally here, the last question in the One-on-One. Question Five is where the script deviates a bit from the previous questions. To recap, what we’ve covered leading up to this point has been:
- What did you love at work this week?
- What was frustrating at work this week?
- What are you learning?
- What do you need from me to ensure your success?
Most of my managers over the years have come to the One-on-One with no agenda. Or, if you can call this an agenda, have had reminders or feedback they’ve been hoarding that they wanted to cover with me during this time. Or they’re expecting status updates from me on all the items I have in flight.
I tell my direct reports that I never intend to use our One-on-Ones for status updates. We connect asynchronously on Slack for most of these. Or, if there’s something I need critically, I ask them to hop on an ad hoc call quickly, so that I can gather the details I need. But we don’t use our scheduled One-on-One time for this.
As for reminders, the same goes. I’m going to ping a group on Slack, or reach out with a quick note to an individual regarding something I need follow up on.
What about feedback?
When using this template regularly with my team members, they are typically providing their own feedback.
They know what they did well, they’ve thought through it because they talk about their big wins when they cover what they loved. They know what they didn’t do well, or what they wish they could do better because they cover it when they talk about what’s frustrating.
The thing is, we all know our worst faults far more intimately than anyone else does. So, I find that feedback generally takes care of itself. On the odd occasion that I have to bring a very specific moment of feedback to an unsuspecting team member, I usually employ a similar question/answer format, and one that assumes shared responsibility for anything that went less than great. This usually looks something like:
What’s going well right now? or How did you feel about that last meeting/interaction/presentation/project?
This is generally enough to get them talking and to hear that they already know what was good and not so great about what went down.
Then, I am always sure to follow this up with:
What do you need from me in order to recover from this? mend the relationship? learn something new to increase effectiveness in the future? etc…
Using this method, you’re creating a lasting relationship week over week. The One-on-One really can be a very thorough connection point each week. But more importantly, it’s a trust builder that increases trust over time.
This gets solidified through the final question because, while most managers will start off a very uncomfortable One-on-One with “So, what have you got for me this week?,” this is actually a much better question after your team member has been talking through directed questions and has their thoughts together as well as remembers the firm foundation of trust between you. It’s much easier to say, “what’s left?” after everything we’ve just gone through, and for that to be an effective question at the end of a conversation.
Which brings us to Question Five: What else is top of mind for you?
At this point in the conversation, your team member is usually pretty comfortable. They’re ready to discuss almost anything. They’ll be more open about that task they are blocked on that they didn’t mention before. They’ll remember that PTO request they still have to submit but were hesitating asking for. They’ll provide you feedback on how you’re doing as a manager. And more!
Oftentimes, they may not actually have anything else because what was on their mind really was covered in the other questions, deeply and specifically.
Either way, you’re making sure to open it up entirely to them without any kind of expectation of an answer, but you’re strategically doing this at a time when they feel comfortable engaging this way. And this is a perfect way to end the conversation.
All right, we made it to the end!
But stay tuned for my next post, The One-on-One: The End is Not The End.
And follow the entire One-on-One Series here.
